ABC’s show “The Bachelor” caters to its core demographic, 20-something women fond of drama and drinking wine on Monday nights. But last week, it attracted a wider audience, one that included a number of Stanford football players, a few coaches and coaches’ wives — anyone and everyone who knew Ross Jirgl, who works for the football program as a sports performance coach.
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But Jirgl did not watch. “I lived it,” he told The Athletic. He’d already experienced the rejection that was about to air on national television; he didn’t want to relive it again.
Jirgl had crashed the show late in the filming process, in November, after finding out from a mutual friend that his ex-girlfriend of seven years, Becca Kufrin, was on the show. He had tracked down contact information for the show’s producers, who ultimately were receptive to his story and his visit. Jirgl showed up on set in Peru to try to win Kufrin back before it was too late and she was potentially engaged to Arie Luyendyk Jr.; The Bachelor almost always ends with a marriage proposal.
It didn’t go well. Kufrin made it clear she was no longer interested in Jirgl and that she was angry he even showed up. Jirgl was soon on his way back to the airport.
It’s been four months since filming and nearly a week since the episode aired, an episode that thrust Jirgl into the national spotlight. He gained 19,000 Instagram followers in the past week, and he’s developed somewhat of a cult following from fans of The Bachelor.
Jirgl explained to The Athletic about what exactly happened — and why.
Jirgl and Kufrin had met in college, as undergraduates at Minnesota State, where Jirgl played linebacker. They dated throughout school, and then they were off-and-on in the following years as Jirgl began his winding career as a strength and conditioning coach. Jirgl, like many assistant coaches, started bouncing around the country, with stops at South Alabama, Wisconsin-Green Bay, Indiana State and California before landing the full-time gig at Stanford. He’d asked Kufrin if she’d consider moving from Minnesota to the Bay Area to be with him; she said no.
There hadn’t been contact between then and the moment he found out she was a finalist on The Bachelor.
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“The year that we were apart, I’d been carrying her in my thoughts and in my heart every single day,” Jirgl told The Athletic. “It’s kind of crazy to say, but I think it was going to take something big like this for me to actually be over her. … The way I look at it is, I flew to Peru during the busiest week of the year to go on a TV show, risking my reputation on national TV to get her back. When she said no, I could completely see it in her eyes.
“You know when you look at somebody when you’re dating them and you can see in their eyes, like, there’s a light inside that looks back at you? I didn’t see that light anymore. … I knew from the moment I opened the door that it wasn’t going to go well for me. I had put myself in a position with a very low success rate, but I had high hopes still.”
When the door opened and the light in her eyes was no longer there, Jirgl said he knew immediately that it was over, and that he had just gotten the closure he needed. “I didn’t want to live my life with any regrets,” he said. “I would have regretted not going.”
Producers for the show, which airs its finale at 8 ET tonight with Kufrin and Lauren Burnham as the two finalists, interviewed Jirgl before he left.
“I had a lot going on in my head and heart, and I wanted to keep them there,” he said. “I took the microphone off and gave it back to them and thanked them for their time. I thanked them for the opportunity of a lifetime, the opportunity to chase love. That’s something that I’ll forever be grateful for and grateful to them for that. Whether they were actually trying to make good TV, or they were trying to help two people find love, I’ll never know.”
Jirgl left the way he came — a five-hour drive through the desert, alone, back to Lima, where he caught a flight home. He was back in time for Stanford’s win against Washington on Friday.
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“During that five-hour drive, I had no cell service, and I just had time to think,” Jirgl said. “By the time I got to the airport, I had reflected enough to already be moving forward.”
Jirgl said this past week hasn’t felt all that different for him, despite the episode airing and the overwhelming response. He previously had less than 1,000 followers on Instagram; now, that number is inching toward 20,000. Nearly every sports and/or entertainment site wrote about his appearance, with articles on sites like US Weekly even calling for Jirgl to be named the show’s next bachelor.
First day of spring football practice.
Interview requests for @Blovee_20: 2
Interview requests for @rossjirgl: 78
— Alan George (@treeSIDjorge) February 28, 2018
Jirgl said he’s stayed off the Internet and turned off notifications on Instagram, so he’s been unaware of some of that chatter. For him, he said, life changed in November. Nothing changed this past week, except that he’s received an outpouring of support and sympathy from friends, family members and the football program.
“The players have been absolutely supportive, and I think that’s a credit to those guys and the quality of character that Stanford players have,” Jirgl said. “They’re athletic, they’re intelligent, and they’re also really good people. It’s all been positive here, from players to coaches, co-workers — everybody has been really supportive. They’re keeping it pretty light around here. It’s just good to be around good people that commend me for what I did, or people that support me and sympathize or empathize with me.”
As for what’s next, Jirgl isn’t sure. He’s been thrust into the national spotlight simply because he tried to win a girl back, and she was on a television show at the time.
“It was an unintentional byproduct of something that I did,” Jirgl said. “People are saying, like, ‘What are you going to do? Are you going to be the next Bachelor? Are you going to do this, this, and that? Are you going to go into the entertainment industry?’ I don’t know anything about that, but I do know that I want to use my platform for good.”
Jirgl is talking to Stanford’s compliance staff about possible fundraisers he could organize around his two passions, football and strength training: perhaps a “reps for kids” type of event that could rely on former players and others to raise money for kids who need it.
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“I want to definitely contribute to some charities that are close to my heart and just effect positive change, which is also the goal of why I do what I do right now,” Jirgl said. “And if more people can understand my message and the things that I’m trying to do on a larger scale, then that’s what I can hope can possibly come from this.”
(Photo by Stanford Athletics)
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